risk

When my mother carried me in her womb she took  a risk.


Women who were 44, were not supposed to have babies. Probably there was a thought that a little trip to a special clinic would solve everything, but my mom took the risk and carried me.

There was a risk that I could come weeks too early, so she lay in her bed all night long and then all day long just so I would stay safe.

There were risks in labor and delivery, but she bore them bravely.

Mom had risks in raising me too. After all raising a youngest when most of the children are grown isn't a easy task. On her knees though mother fought the risks and gave the battle to God.

To carry  a baby in her womb meant mom had to risk her health, her life style, her dignity. There was the risk I would grow up and rebel and leave my mother in shame. Mom took those risks though to be a mother all over again.

Thousands of women everywhere have risked everything to give birth, but the risks my mother took will be the ones I remember most.

 

what not to wear

You know they say your appearance directly affects your own attitude and also how others relate to you.

I think I have learned by now that while lounging around in your PJs is very comfy sometimes you eventually must put on some more productive clothes. Productivity though does not always have to happen. Sometimes everybody does just need a comfy day where they lay around and do nothing and pretend the piles of dishes don't exist. Unfortunately though if you feel it necessary to go the kitchen to get some junk food to enjoy while lounging around the dirty dishes will rudely confront you.

On the days when I should get stuff done (should, not want) I try and put myself together some what presentably. On the days when I feel the need to go over the top I put myself together as if I was going to meet the queen of England at Wal-Mart. Most days though I look perfectly acceptable enough to take out the queen's trash.

The latter attire was what I was wearing when I went out on a quick shopping trip the other day. I felt free and rebellious as flitted about the store in my comfy clothes and mop of frizzy hair.

I was checking out though when I came face to face with the reality of just what I looked like in my clothes. I didn't even realize that I did something wrong, but apparently I did. The watchful clerk came over and without mincing words told me about my error and what I should have done right. Suddenly I felt like I was 15 years old and pretending to be an adult in my play clothes. Which is exactly what I probably looked like. I made direct eye contact with the sales clerk and thanked her determined not to throw a tantrum which was what the childish self in me wanted to do. I comforted myself with the fact that it probably had been a long day for the poor lady and she had been a ticking time bomb. Poor little me had just managed to light the fuse without realizing it.

Thankfully I was allowed to proceed without being asked if I would need someone to drive me home. Even more gratefully I was not given a free lolly pop.

Next time I think I will wear dress up clothes and red lipstick in the wrong place just to see what kind of remarks I can get then.

path

They were two separate paths. Each path different yet somewhat similar. Differences and similarities, his is what joined two very separate paths 45 years ago today.

Two individual people walked into a candle it sanctuary separately. Moments later they walked out again no longer on separate paths of life, but together in a lifetime journey of walking on the same path.

Across the world they were taken to the tropical islands to serve together. Then back again. Different states and different jobs. Every place their path took them milestones were set up along the way. Sometimes it bumpy and rough, but the two people remained on the same path together. After all they had pledged for better or for worse.

They were not alone on their path. Unselfishly onto to their journey the couple brought six children into the world.

Each child grew up watching these two people on their path and knew someday that if that was what marriage was they wanted it.

Happy Anniversary to my parents who started on their path together 45 years ago today.

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In which I talk about lies...

Warning. I'm about to lay out my dirty laundry. Stop reading if you can't handle the truth about lies.

Lies

 Falsehood characterizes my life. Like deadly poison it fogs my brain and keeps me from seeing life as a I really should.
I know lying is wrong. Every child is taught not to lie, so we know that we shouldn't lie, but how is it that we are so quick to believe likes?

Most often I don't speak lies from my lips. Every single day though I fall into the temptation of believing lies.

The short list of lies. 

The lie that I must be beautiful to be noticed.
I believe that skills and works are the only things that will make people appreciate you. Never mind your character.

Lies whisper that nothing you do is right you always fail at everything.

The lie that tells you the people around you are the standard you must measure your life by. Their lives seem to be perfect, therefore your life must be perfect too. 

There is the voice that tells me since I've already fallen sin today, I might as well do it again since the day is ruined.

Yes, I have even believed that I need to be good to get to heaven...and sometimes I still believe that one.

Constantly my brain is plagued by lies. You believe one and then suddenly I'm swamped with them all. Life becomes awful and dark. Nothing can be done right and nobody loves me. 

Me a christian girl raised on the ten commandments has believed all of the above lies and more. Force with the strength of a tornado whispers the lies and you believe and then nothing is the world is right. Because I'm not beleiveing this.

"I have loved you with an everlasting love;"

(Jerimiah 31:3)

Maybe I have been failed by others or even failed myself, but God still loves me.



 "for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure."
(Philippians 2:13)

God is the one shaping me and the only person I need to worry about being like is Christ.

"to the praise of his glory."
 (Ephesians 1:14)

Knowing that others opions doesn't matter. Its only what glorfies God that matters.

Lies can make you hurt, but sometimes when you look around the only one inflicting the wound is yourself. We are the ones who hurt ourselves, but it is only the truth of God that sooths the wounds.



expectation

Life seems to be so normal and fine and then suddenly without warning normal isn't enough. There needs to be different people, different surroundings, different things. Anything new and exciting.

A yearning in the spirit for something bigger and better. It's like a flesh eating disease. It starts so very small and before you know it a whole body part must be severed because of the disease.

 Before you know it you have become so discontent you can think of nothing else and have all but forgotten what joy should be

Joy should be stepping out of bed and being thankful you had a safe place to sleep. Happiness is turning a handle and having as much water as you please to brush your teeth. Blessed is setting the table for both of your parents. Spoiled is cleaning anything and everything.

Just how many people are there who don't know what clutter is because all they have is the tattered clothes on their back.

Stop the misery and self pity and let the joy start. Don't let people have an expectation of grouchiness from you, but make them expect a joyful spirit.