the gift

It's been said many times that every day is a gift. Really it is true although many times the day doesn't feel like a gift, but a major pest that should never have happened.

There are the days when I would rather not face the world. When staying in bed all day sounds like a wonderful idea. When I just want to act very sad desperately hoping that somebody will notice and just talk to me.

I wrap myself up in myself instead opening the gift of the day for what it is. When I don't unwrap the gift of the day I fail.

I don't notice others hurting. I don't see the that the grass and trees have turned green. I can't feel the breeze on my face. My lips won't smile in laughter all because I left that one precious day in a box and never touched it.

Open the gift of the day. Live it to the fullest. You never regret doing all you can to see God's grace, but you will regret the moments that never be redone.

words

I have habit, no maybe its an addiction, or maybe its pleasure, but I like to journal. For some reason I can't really make myself go to bed till I scribbled something into my (currently) green journal.

One of my friend's smirked at me the other night when I sat down with my all time favorite Sharpie pen to write.

 "for all we know you could be writing a theology book..." I finished the sentence for her "instead of writing stupid mindless things".

 And then we laughed together.

No I'm probably not writing a theology book. I'm writing how I apply theology in my life.

The verses I needed to read that day. They get written down.
The unexpected small, but yet huge blessing gets recorded forever.
I preach to myself by writing down the words I need to hear. Isn't that better then mumbling to yourself?

Sometimes I have to write down something exciting, but must of the time it probably is just gibberish to everyone, but me and God.

People will read this and I think I'm weird . Maybe I am, but really in 10 years I want to remember what God did in my life when I was crazy college student. Weren't the Israelites called to leave memorial stones? How is journaling really any different?

My journals will probably never be published, but still if only for  me I need that evidence of God's faithfulness. I need to remember where I used to be and the grace of God that changed me.

Strange, yes I probably am, but if that's what takes for me to remember how God's grace is glorified in my life then I don't mind a bit.

42 days

Spring break was amazing. Full of laughter and eating lots of good food. Watching basketball (guys) talking (girls), and playing games (mostly everyone). I spent 20 hours in the car with the same people  and we are still pretty good friends. Though we might know more about each other then we would like. Oh spring break was pure bless and then we had to come back to school.

Back to homework and late nights okay we did stay up pretty late on spring break, but staying up late is so much more fun if you don't have to do homework.

All of this business of being a college student isn't going to last long.

42  Days

Yep in 42 days I will be an official alumni. Yes it's crazy. Very crazy.

 Excited...oh my yes

Giddy...Unfortunately yes

Stir crazy...well lets not go there. 

Terrified...you better believe it. 

42 days until grad and I really don't know what I'm going to do. I feel helpless, because it is only in the grace of God that I will make a good decision. I feel humbled, because only because of the grace of God do I have the opportunities before me that I do.

Grace


The only thing that has brought this far and will take to graduation is that 5 letter word. Some days I get stressed, upset, and I put myself in a tizzy. The grace of God takes me through those days. Sometimes I make poor decisions as a RA and the grace of God covers those mistakes. There are the tough moments in class and the grace of God gets me through them.

"He Giveth more Grace" 

Empty

Too all often all I can find to give is emptiness. Words that cut down instead of build up leaving the poor hearer feeling empty instead of full.

It's a day that was full of many things accomplished, yet at the end I feel so empty because I didn't stop once to count the blessings.

My life is full of people who love me still there is the empty feeling of begin alone because I have invited self pity to have a little visit. 

Sometimes I feel as though I have emptied out my entire brain onto a test, but have put nothing into practice.

I hear things that make me feel empty or maybe more like I have been pricked. An urging that my life needs something. A revamping to see what things are taking away from God.

Empty. Sometimes I should be empty because I am full of the wrong thing. Sometimes I am empty because my life need filling with something I have carelessly put aside.

Ache

Sometimes I ache for what I cannot have right now.  A longing for something to be given to me, but God has not yet deemed it to be the right time.

I ache to know. I want to know what my future is. What the next adventure is. I ache for wisdom on what decision I should make. I ache so much that sometimes I put myself in a tizzy of trying to figure out my life

I ache for others. I wish I knew how to take away pain. I don't just want to give a hug or try and find soothing words. I want to be superwoman.

I wished I ached more to know God. Just to let Him fill the void of uncertainty and longings. Has God really given me me all of these aches just so I would learn to know Him better? If I did not ache with fear and want would I really trust Him for everything?

If ache is what will make me fall hard into the arms of God then I want more and more. The aches of life will never go away, but the soothing faithfulness of God will always be near.