Of walks and Such

The house was humid and I was beginning to feel confined, even more so my brain desired to be rid of its overload of thoughts. I ran not from my problems for that is impossible, but I ran to be in the fresh air and just spend some time sorting my little problems of life out. Walking in town however is far different than the country. Mumbling under your breath may bring odd looks from the neighbors and the ill fitting comfy clothes your wearing will be seen by many. Those things I do not really care about, after all I only find myself visiting every so often. Hopefully that will be enough time for the neighbors to forget the disconcerted girl who often travels the streets. But I digress...

I do care to feel the cool summer breeze at my checks and all I want to do is find the setting sun. To see more than two orange patches glimpsed between houses and trees. For a short moment I am homesick for that lovely prairie. Where the wind is the only thing that fills my ears and only the flying birds can find me. And the setting sun, I could see stretching all around, watching it change nearly as fast as I could blink. Troubles would seem small and God would seem very big. Life in those stolen moments of twilight would seem very pleasant and dreamy. Excuse me for trailing off on another sidetrack and I know a “Anne of Green Gables” moment at that. Ahem.

My skipping feet would not carry me far before I arrived at the green grassy space where at last I could watch the sunset and not feel claustrophobic on account of many houses.

It is lovely is it not?

When I stepped back into our little house, I still had every single problem I loath so much. Somehow giving them and sharing them with our God makes them so much better. For the umtempth time I was reminded again that nothing is to great for God and well God knows my thoughts better than I do. And that is much more lovely than a KS sunset.

Blessed Beyond Measure

I went to bed this morning at 1 am and was very glad for that. Chatting with a friend from school had kept me up. We had talked and talked about the things that were all to similar between us. When I wearily fell into bed I was quite happy and feeling grateful for a friend who is a kindred spirit.

And this morning in church, well they were there...the choir from school. Hand stinging high fives and lots of wonderful hugs and small snatches of conversation...it was just pretty nice being around my friends. We laughed and of course Mr. F. teased and teased, and that was okay. Because well I think it is nice to be friends with your school president.

Yes these are the people I feel thankful for today...a crazy bunch we may be, but I feel pretty blessed that they put up with me.

The Lost Blog post

And so I found this draft written in September of 2010. I'm not sure why I never clicked the post button, but I didn't. It's rather fun though and go back and see what my thoughts were that sultry summer day.



3 Weeks ago

I was flying very high in the air away to college
My hopes were high too of what was come
I was scared
I didn't know what my Junior year would be like
And I still don't know

Written this week...After my Junior year I can say...

That it was more difficult and hard than ever could have imagined.

I'm glad I didn't know.

Sometimes I just wanted the year to end, but it never seemed to end.

Than it was over and suddenly it didn't seem so bad after all for I knew each thing I did God had used to shape and grow me.

1 year ago
I was standing in the middle of a parking lot all by myself.
My parents had just driven away and there were boxes to unpack
I didn't know then I would cry every day for the next few weeks
I didn't know the unspeakable joy I would find in new friends
The feeling of having to write 3 dreadful papers had not fallen on me
Many days later I would know that I had never been alone and the grace was plentiful

2 years ago
I kept my grandma company in a cold hospital room.
The journey of caring for grandma had just began.
I'm glad God didn't tell me I would have to watch my grandma suffer.
I had no idea I would cry more tears than I ever had as a baby that year.
I had absolutely no idea of the lessons God was about to teach me.
There was no inkling in my mind of the privilege I was about to have of caring for my dying grandmother.

12 years ago.
My eye hurt very bad
The eye doctor saw me every day
Very strange was it for someone so little to have shingles in their eye
Mom prayed fervently that I wouldn't lose my vision
Today I still don't wear glasses

And that's where I stopped remembering...

Looking Back...

This year was well not in the slightest like I expected it to be. Looking back I don't know what I expected to encounter during my Junior year. Most often though I found myself ready to scream "anything but this"! Now though I would not trade any of the experiences I encountered for anything, for every single one of them was just what I needed. Expected or unexpected.


I did not expect that when I took my seat in church planting that I was to the be the only female member of the class. It caused me quite a fright at first because I was scared that I had accidentally stumbled into a homiletics class. I saw the class out though, even as to my dismay I found myself studying childbirth tactics which somehow were related to church planting with a all male class. Often all I could do is laugh at this rather amusing situation and listen to those boys debate because oh they could debate. One thing I learned in the class...I'm just thankful for my femininity:)

I did not expect to check my e-mail one balmy September day and find that my aunt had terminal cancer. Nor did I expect to answer the phone one week prior to Christmas break to hear the news my uncle had died of cancer. I cried a lot of tears fall semester as I realized the glory my aunt and uncle would experiencing after I heard of their impending deaths. It was an unexpected blessing to be able to attend my uncle's memorial. If I was a swearing girl I would have sworn that I would never cram, yet I did. In 3 hours 3 tests were studied for and taken all to leave school 4 days early for a memorial. And when it was over I knew what a fried brain really was. When my cousins and I embraced with choked back tears I knew it had been so worth it.

Spending 20 total hours in a car with my friends driving across WY plains was not how I expected to spend my spring break, but I was very glad of the unexpected. We still laugh at the corny jokes and rather interesting moments of the trip. We still remember the stories we heard, the people we saw, the Mormon sisters we talked too...and I think that is plenty of a reason to explain why we all want to spend another 2 days of our spring break next year driving. By the way road trips I have discovered when you are not the only child in the back seat can be quite amusing.

Decorating I thought was really never my really my forte and the same for being in charge of things. Somehow though my class never found out about this, thus myself and two other classmates were put in charge of planning the Senior banquet. Despite a few mishaps it got done. Hobby Lobby will always now make me laugh. Candle lighters will make me laugh. And the perfect scrapbook paper will make me smile. And Thursdays may seem a little odd without banquet meetings, but oddly nice of course.

Perhaps the most unexpected yet so wonderful blessing of all was my roommate. She my friend is a very patient woman and listened to me patter on many a time. It was her life and presence that inspired, challenged, saddened, provoked and would just help this girl to think. When the lights were out and there were a few whispered prayer requests I knew I had a friend who cared and loved.

Unexpectedly one of the best experiences happened after I found myself in my little KS home...I missed my friends. Its an odd revelation I know, but well it was only this past year where I really stopped having a small loath for school and started completely enjoying it. Admittedly probably because I have realized the top notch friends I have been blessed with. Sometimes I laughed with them till the tears ran freely. Sometimes they passed the Kleenex when I just could not keep it together one moment longer. They would listen to me and let me listen to them. I know very well that good friends must cannot and should not ever be something that is always there.

The surface has only be skimmed. Even this girl of few words could probably go on for a great while about the multitude of ways God worked during this last school year. But I pity my mother and whomever else may read this, so I will stop before I write an epistle. Only one more thing should be said...

"Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!" PS 34:8

Sometimes I would want the year to just stop and end. Than one day it did and I thought of the same thing I had thought of nearly every day. God's strength and grace are enough.

Confessions and other Random Musings

Today I treat whoever reads this blog to the odd assortment of things floating around in my brain.

First of all I am told this day in history my brothers were very enthralled with the monster trucks on the TV in the waiting room. My big sister was perhaps planning wedding details. My dad needed a bit of OJ, because of feeling slightly faint during the delivery and well I think my mother was one happy mama.


Ironically the devotional reading this morning was about Abraham and Sarah and the child of their old years. Ahem. Mom and dad found this very funny. I really don't think my parents are that old, but well the senior citizen discount does come in handy sometimes..




What I have discovered about myself as a photographer.
I think I must confess something , recently a new camera came into my possession and I've been unable to stop taking pictures. One thing I've noticed is my inability to not take pictures of people's feet. I am not really sure what is, but I find myself entranced with shoes and taking very many pictures of them. Would this make me a feet stalker? Hello my name is Beth and a shoe picture taker addict. Speaking of being a so called stalker, my most favorite picture subject is unsuspecting people doing the most interesting things and freezing these moments forever. Alas the problem is I'm not always very sneaky and my victims become aware and start to pose for the camera than the candid moment is forever ruined. It really does make me unhappy when this happens. I feel like a moment of history is lost, but perhaps that is overreacting...


Another confession today I made nearly all my birthday food. Its rather a birthday tradition for me to make the meal no matter how many people are coming over. And its not that I have too, but rather that I get too. Last year my niece kicked me out of the kitchen, but this year I shooed my mother out. Of course I never say no to people doing things for me, so lets just say I'm happy doing whatever. I made what I pleased by the way and the menu included lots of cooked onions for I love onions. Never fear though I also like icy peppermint gum.


Today I got a new hat and like it very much, because I simply think a hat adds quite a bit intrigue to anybody's physic. Yes I do find them quite catching indeed. I even found wearing a dusty ball cap to drive tractor quite...well not charming, but maybe quite uh famish, on the other hand wearing a vintage hat with a veil...pure bliss. I have an decided opinion about the hats at the royal wedding, lets just say I didn't think they were charming in the least. I am not telling how many hats that hang on my wall. Only that there is more than the number of heads I have.

Anything else I care to write about myself? Well...I might as well own up to the fact I have become a friend of coffee. It helps me survive after those short nights and I cannot begin to say enough about a lovely iced mocha enjoyed in the presence of amusing friends.


I realize that what I wrote probably had no relevance except to myself, but it will probably be quite amusing in a few years to read what I wrote on my birthday. Now I shall go write on real paper about the important things of life...the things that are really shaping my walk withe Lord.

Youngest Child Syndrome

In case you did not know or perhaps you do not want to know, but I am going to say it anyway. I am the youngest of 6 children and I suppose this would say something about my personality whether I like it or not. This fact was brought up the other day at school when the girls implored me to ask a favor of the president.

The scenario was this. White glove cleaning was scheduled for the next day which met all of our rooms were to be impeccably clean in all corners and surfaces. Many of the girls were packing however and as one girl so aptly put it "it looks like the rooms vomited into the hallway". And indeed it was rather tedious to walk down the hall as 19 girls tried organizing their things and packed. It also must be noted that this was finals week and some of the girls had a killer Greek test the next day. Hence the dorm was far from ready for white glove and most had little time to spare to make it ready. Because of these circumstances the idea was put forth that perhaps we could get white glove moved to give us all a bit more time. With years of experience under my belt of being a youngest child I volunteered to beseech the president myself.

Might I go on a sidetrack. I do very clearly remember having to ask my mother many things on behalf of my brothers. Although it was not that my brothers forced me to ask for things. It was just they knew that if an idea was put in my head I would probably want it more than they, so I would willingly ask. Also I had been around far less time than they so my track record was not quite as tainted, so mom was more willing to say yes to me. And that she usually did.

Back to the subject at hand. With well practiced efforts I asked the fatal question. Knowing the boys had already asked for the same favor and been denied. Somehow though I was a bit more successful and white glove was postponed for the entire campus . In truth it was probably moved because the dean of women was laid up in bed with a terrible cold. And never mind the fact that when the dorms were checked everything failed and the whole student body was campused until the minor corrections were made.

Was I really successful because I was a youngest? I really do not think so, but my friends and the school president thought it a good point to tease on. And would I the aunty of many nieces and nephews make the little ones ask their grandma for favors? I am not denying anything.

I Have a Shelter

Sometimes this year seemed beyond excruciating. It wasn't always school, more often than not it was just life. Hearing the news that family members were terminally ill. Battling my own constant torment of problems. Adjusting to the change of life around me. Feeling utterly at a loss of how to help someone. Aching for the little AWANA Cubbies who sometimes gave me fits, yet I couldn't bear to watch them go home to what I was sure was not a good situation. There was studying for the tests that seemed far too difficult. To be very blunt sometimes I felt I already had too much to bear and could not take anymore.

Than I would remember...who was carrying my problems. Who it was that knew the troubles far better than I. The One who could care far more than I ever could. And than I was more overwhelmed than ever of the faithfulness and strength of our God.

I have a shelter in the storm
When troubles pour upon me
Though fears are rising like a flood
My soul can rest securely
O Jesus, I will hide in You
My place of peace and solace
No trial is deeper than Your love
That comforts all my sorrows

I have a shelter in the storm
When all my sins accuse me
Though justice charges me with guilt
Your grace will not refuse me
O Jesus, I will hide in You
Who bore my condemnation
I find my refuge in Your wounds
For there I find salvation

I have a shelter in the storm
When constant winds would break me
For in my weakness, I have learned
Your strength will not forsake me
O Jesus, I will hide in You
The One who bears my burdens
With faithful hands that cannot fail
You’ll bring me home to heaven

Steve and Vicki Cook, and Bob Kauflin

Safe is it to say that without the grace of God I would have never survived this year.

To: My Mom...From: Your youngest child

Confession, I didn't buy my mom a Hallmark card to give to her tomorrow. Instead I am writing the words I want everyone who cares to listen to know about my mother.

My mom the mother of six children

The non advassiave mother in law to 2 son in laws and 3 daughter in laws. Grandma to 21 grandchildren...and counting!

Mom the one who would serve us lima bean soup for supper and than dish up bowls of ice cream for dessert.

The woman who rocked her newborn daughter and her first grand baby in the space of 3 years.

The wife of my father, the one who respects and loves my daddy like no other.

It was mom who would set the table with pretty dishes and extraordinary food for the smallest reasons.

Mom taught me how to cook and did her very best to show me how to keep a spotless kitchen, unfortunately mother has often seen her kitchen turn into a absolute disaster zone, because every mixing bowl and spoon is being used for the 4 cooking projects being produced at once. Ahem.

And when 2 days before his wedding my brother needed a white dress shirt mom dropped everything to find one.


I am very certain it was my mom who felt the very worst when I was in the midst of those terrible teenage years.


Mom who would not give on teaching me, even when I pushed so hard against the brick wall feeling sure my will was stronger than hers . Than I would watch when she went on her knees before the Lord and than I knew Who it is who really helps us through every situation

Mom sometimes I act too much like the little girl who still hasn't grown up and still has a few things too learn, but you just forgive and love me. You are patient and listen me talk about the same things every time I call and than you give me the same advice for the 10th time. Sometimes some things that are utterly ridiculous make me want to cry, instead mom laughs and than I laugh. I can tell mom anything cause I know she won't tell anyone else and I usually take advantage of this. Mom I can always be sure it will be you who will encourage me because you will tell me where you went wrong and how you went to the Lord and corrected it.


Mom I'm pretty sure that no other woman could put up with me like you do. Thank you.

Note to Self

Make sure to constantly wear a sign stating your travel plans as to avoid having to answer the same question 36 times. Even more importantly do not disclose your mode of transportation.

Beware of what you say in Romans class...Mr. T, can and will turn it into something else

Do not jump down the last 4 steps...you might accidentally jump on a boy which would be utterly embarrassing.

Be careful of who you sit next to in class it will make the difference of remaining completely composed for 50 minutes or acting ridiculously immature.

When sitting in a car with vinyl seats be sure and wear a seat belt. Especially important when driving around curves...

It's best just to listen to the teacher lecture about the Song of Solomon rather than reading select verses in class...

If your alarm has been blaring for a great while you probably should have gotten up a long time ago.

When saying the word "cutie pie" make sure all those within hearing distance know you are talking about the baby.

If your going to play Volleyball with only one other person who lacks just as much skills as yourself, you might as well stop and play fetch the ball.

When boys are given candle lighters and multiple candles to light they will turn it into a contest to see who can light the most candles in the least amount of time.

Just because its Missions class does not mean you may slack off in the English department.

9 days left to learn some more lessons...I'm not sure I want to learn them.