nothing but grace

Just like always the weekend had sped by too fast and Monday morning was looming all too closely on the horizon. Time to get back to homework and classes. Back to the world of stress and the sometimes mundane chore of schoolwork. Except it wasn't the end of an ordinary weekend. It was the end of the last weekend.

No more weekends left to ambitiously plan to get homework done and then almost every time fail dreadfully and get nothing done. No more weekends to randomly walk about the town friends. No more Sunday nights of furiously trying to get homework done that could have been done on Friday.

It was Sunday night and graduation was 6 days away. The last day of classes was 3 days away.

I thought about this in the blessed quietness of the storage room. Wedged between totes filled with an exorbitant amount of earthly belongings I realized the week I had looked forward to for so long was finally here.

It's the week where I will get to see my family after 4 very long months. It's the week where the seniors will party every day.

It's the week I will walk across a stage and get a diploma. A piece of paper with my name in big bold letters. As if I could have accomplished any of my schoolwork by my own merit.

I'm weak. I can't grasp concepts quickly. I learned to read finally after my mother threw phonics out the window. I barely passed Algebra. I couldn't diagram a sentence if my life depended on it.

By the grace of God I had the courage to come to college. By the grace of God I stayed at college. Only by the grace of God will I graduate from college in just a few days.

Grace.

In the last three years it has become practical to me in a whole new way. When I stared at a bunch of dates for church history test wondering how I would remember them when I didn't even know the dates of my own siblings birthdays; the grace of God carried me.

The grace of God was there when I didn't have the time I normally needed to study.

God's grace taught me and grew me spiritually in ways I never thought possible.

I know, I know that I have written about the grace of God a lot, but I'm sorry I'm not going to stop. If I get tired writing about the grace of God go ahead and tell me something is very wrong with me.

Maybe I just do see God's grace in the very little things, but if I don't see God's grace in the little things how will I see it in the big things?

I have the sudden urge to mark my forehead in big black letters with the word Grace for my grad day. Fitting don't you think?

I am nothing, but for the grace of God.

of grad

It’s here the very last full week of school. Five days and four finals and then all there is to do is breeze through the last couple of days. The week already seems to promise late nights and intake of far too much coffee. I am a college student after all, so I really wouldn’t want to act any less of one even though it could require me sacrificing my sanity.  When the end is finally here I think it will be very much worth it. Thankfully the end is very rapidly approaching. 

We already have received our graduation gowns in the mail. I was very relieved to find that mine zipped up; because I really wasn’t sure there would be enough room for me that tent like garment. Ahem. I really would like to get my hands on the person who had the bright idea to invent those lovely gowns. They certainly do nothing for your figure. The hats as interesting as they are do look actually give the outfit a bit of 3-D dimension which draws the attention away from the big blob of blue underneath the hat. 

When I find myself emotionally drained this week from too much studying I will the think of the “moment”. The moment of walking a across the stage and receive the fruits of all of my late nights. I will hold my head high and pretend that I do not look like a walking piece of ocean. I will try to get over the phobia of getting lost in the vastness of my gown.  No, I probably won’t throw my hat since I really don’t want to reveal the cloud of frizz that the hat will be blessedly hiding.

Grad is coming and yes I may complain, but in truth I’m glad its just finally so close. Probably on the day of will be more concerned about keeping away the tears and posing for several hundred pictures.

I think it’s going to be a good day.

Goodbye

Tell me where the road ahead is gonna bend
And how to harness up the wind
And how to say goodbye

MICHAEL W SMITH,  AMY GRANT

Please tell me how to say goodbye. How to tell the friends that know you inside and out both but still love you like anything. How do you say goodbye?

How do you say good bye to the people that have seen you at your worst. When you were stressed over a test and just couldn't hold the tension in any longer. The people who see you get ridiculously giggly over nothing.

The people who know instantly that your day isn't going right and really care enough to want to fix it.

The people who share the strangest memories with you of things that would make others roll their eyes.

The people who love you anyway even though they know the good, the bad, and the ugly about you.

I’ve lived with these people day and night for several years. They know I can be a bit slow in the mornings and can get really giddy at night. They know I love dark chocolate and green salads. They know I don’t like heights as much as I don’t like talking in class.

Tell me how do you say good bye to the friends who have you cry, laugh, get silly, and on a rare occasion be normal?

Let me tell you something. You don't say goodbye. You say see you later. It's true you could possible never see a friend again on earth, but you will see them in heaven.


In 20 days I'm going to leave more friends than I ever have before and it’s going to hurt, but I will not say good bye. I will say see you later and look forward with hope to the day of no more separations.

College may be awesome, but I think the goodbye may be a little too excruciating. I’m glad though I can say good bye. Because if I didn’t have these amazing friendships there would be any sad goodbyes.

4.16.2012

It was a beautiful day and its still a beautiful marriage. Happy one year anniversary Ben and Jana.

And I have never been so sure of anything before,
Like I am in this moment here with you
Now for better or for worse are so much more than only words
And I pray everyday will be the proof
That I mean what I say when I say 'I do'

You see these hands you hold, will always hold you up
When the strength you have just aint strong enough
And what tomorrow brings, only time will tell
But I will stand by you in sickness and in health

Take my hand and take this ring
And know that I will always love you through anything.

And as the years march on like a beating heart
I will live these words 'til death do us part'

Song Lyrics: Matthew West "When I say I do"

sometimes

Sometimes I think the only reason people like it when I play sports is for their personal amusement.

Sometimes I think I have been in Cults class to long when I start having nightmares about getting on the bad side of cults.

Sometimes I have to resist the temptation to throw my phone against the wall after yet another frustrating conversation about my life plans.

Sometimes when you say something class you just have to understand that you will probably will say the wrong thing and probably will get embarrassed.

Sometimes your the only one who remembers it was dress up like a piece of fruit night for TREK and sometimes you just have to be thankful you opted to not dress up. Thus avoiding the distinction of being the only over sized pear running around.

Sometimes you just have to have senior moments and deal with the repercussions later.

Sometimes when someone makes a slightly awkward statement about newlyweds at the table all you can do is giggle.

Sometime when you miss your family like nothing else the only thing you can do is look at pictures. 

All the time when nothing seems to be going right and everything is too crazy really the only thing I should be doing is just trusting God. Because trusting God shouldn't be sometimes, but all the time.