Let me Tell you...

When I was a little child I had big brothers and sisters. The ones who seemed to always boss me around. The ones who wouldn't always let me be the tag along little sister.

Now I know better...I don't have older siblings. I have friends. Brothers who listen and patiently give advice. Sisters who are the best living examples I could ever have. Friends who didn't really torture me when I was little, but loved me for all they were worth



I'm not sure when it was that I discovered my best friends were the ones who held the same DNA as me, but when I finally figured out what I really had life became wonderful.

I really could not want anything more from my siblings. I don't wish I could change the days when I was a small child because in truth I needed all my big brothers and sisters looking out for my well being...and I still do.

These friends I will have forever...cause there really isn't a choice in that matter on either part, but I am very glad of that.

so I was 11

Written Sept 12, 2011

Saturday my nephew turned 11. I still remember the excited shouts of glee over the toys he got for his first birthday. Eating cake and ice cream with my family and just enjoying an excuse to be together. My nephew's other aunt wasn't at the party, early the next morning another boy cousin was born. The night had held so many moments of joy and laughter over the most beautiful thing...new life. The next morning over 3,000 people lost their in the worst terrorist attack of American history.

And I remember, the dust covered faces, the horrible shooting flames, the unedited screams played over the TV. There was no school to do and for the first time in my young life my appetite was gone. I knew the world had changed forever.

My nephew is 11 now, the same age I was the day our homeland was attacked. He doesn't remember all the things I do. For my nephew 9/11 is to him what Pearl Harbor is to me. Just another event in history with no attached memories.

I remember every single horrible event though of 9/11 and I remember too how God was so faithful even as America suffered at the cruel hands of man's sinful nature.

10 years later...God is faithful

Today

Today was the first day of fall. I didn't know that till I saw the fall decorations in the dinning hall. Than I smelled the fresh apple crisp and got all homesick for my kitchen. I just want to bake a pumpkin pie and maybe a apple one too.

I was sleepy during chapel today. Maybe it had to do with the late night study group for a test today. I think I am a real college student now cause I ate ramon after 10. I think it would be a bad habit to get into of eating ramon. Although getting a new wardrobe isn't always bad...but its not always good either:)

I like Tuesdays in particular because its cleaning day. Perhaps its rather odd but cleaning is so much more fun than homework. Please don't tell the guys but the dorm was kind of getting dirty...

Class was so rather interesting today in 3 minutes we had a survey on who wanted to get married and who believed in the death penalty. I love it:)

And it the midst of all this I was thinking of trusting God for everything. I was smiling of what God is giving so unexpectedly.

I talked to my mom today too. I love talking to my family. I love how they have time to talk. I love how we can text when there is no time to talk and well I just love my family.

So today I just wrote about my day when I should have been reading theology. But the night is young and the cleaning is done:)

Grace

It's not easy, but somehow it is not as hard to remember the grace and strength of God when dealing with situations that involve other people. I think of grace when I take those horridly huge tests or when I do the things I don't want to do.

Its when your by yourself with the problems you have struggled with for too long. The ones your not readily going to admit to other people. Its when your personal secure world is flipped upside down because of change and you feel guilty for sobbing your eyes out over what is a good thing. Those times its hard to remember the grace of God because you would rather lecture yourself than worship a Holy God.

You therefore, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus.

You remember those word when dealing with the outside, but find it hard when dealing the inside problems to really believe them.

God is good because He patiently teaches me over and over again about His grace.

So this is Joy...

Joy is supposed to be the soft breathing of a newborn baby. Joy is when you laugh so hard that you can't breath. Joy is being with people you love and liking it. No one really thinks of joy when faced with the harsh reality of death.

There was joy though that sunny Sunday morning I went down into our basement and saw the all too still form of my grandma. I cried as I thought of the unspeakable joy she was having with her Savior. That is why that morning there was joy as I saw my dad cry for the first time in my life. Joy was in knowing where grandma really was as we watched the black hearse pull out of our driveway.

There was the aching of heart as I watched my cousins and uncles scoop piles of dirt onto grandma's coffin. There was joy as I saw the little great grandsons do their manly part in burying their great grandmother. It was joy that led us to sing at my grandma's burial.

Praise God, from whom all blessings flow;

Praise Him, all creatures here below;

Praise Him above, ye heav'nly host;

Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost.

Amen.

We had joy in the blessing of grandma's long life on earth. We had even more joy knowing she now had the eternity with her Lord forever.

Strangely yet not very strangely at all that was joy.

Just a Thursday

I looked out the window and there was a lake instead of a parking lot.

I was studying for a test while sipping tea and somehow I found myself waking up for a nap.

I wish for a warm kitchen and time to bake a few pies.

I'm wearing my new favorite black jacket because the air is chilly.

My feet dodge puddles of red mud when trekking across the parking lot.

It's hard to see the hills because the fog hides them.

If I were home there would pans of cornbread to make to go with a big pot of chili. I would read books while sniffing burning candles and I would be sitting next to the wood stove.

I'm not home...I'm here right now in a rather cloudy chilly SD. Today I study for a big test, the second big test of the week. I will go to bed late and I will not have time to make supper.

So maybe it doesn't sound as nice as it could be, but well I'm right here where God would like me, thus right now life is pretty good. Maybe this week wasn't the most fun of times, but oh the grace was plentiful and it turned the most awfullest of times into something very wonderful.

Now I must stop writing and go walk in this dreary weather to cram theology facts into my head.

Change

To whomever reads this blog you may have noticed I post a lot more. Maybe you noticed the new header or maybe it was the more frequent typos.

I am at college right now, but very determined to write down the thoughts in my head, even if I do it in a few short minutes.

Perhaps the real reason I'm writing this to see if everyone is still finding my blog despite the new address. Because well the the blog name I made when I was 17 just seemed well not quite what I wanted this blog to be. If my blog had a purpose statement it would be the recording of the moments of where I see the goodness of God, hence the new address.

So I'm wondering if my followers can still access this blog or if I'm now writing to a world of cyberspace where no one knows about my blog anymore.

Not that its too big a deal, but I was just wondering.

Life

Real life for me is being a college student, being far away from home, building relationships, getting out of bed too early and going to bed to late. It's wondering if I have taken everything in or just let it breeze by.

Real life for me right now is sometimes not getting homework done because I was talking with a friend.

Life is real when I remember the sad things in life that I wish I had forgotten.

I know life is real when I feel the tears on my check because I was laughing so hard.

Life for me right now is missing my family in a way I can't even describe. Real life is being thankful for being in just the right family by the grace of God.

Real life is understanding that the world is seemingly drifting deeper and deeper into evilness. Real is knowing God is still in control

Real life for me doesn't always feel good...sometimes its down right horrible, but well I know God is always in control.

Real life is stopping in the midst of homework, work, friends, obligations and just taking a deep breath and remembering how God is faithful.

these little people

I miss my little nieces. The ones that call me aunt and hold my hand with their tiny fingers. My nieces who sometimes can't stop laughing when we are playing.

I miss my nieces that aren't so little. The ones who I can talk with about an endless amount of things. My nieces who laugh with me endlessly.

I miss my little nephews. The little boys who do naughty things, but are oh so funny when they do it. The little boys who get excited when I make waffles for lunch.

I miss my nephews who are taller than me and the ones who aren't taller than me but soon will be. My nephews who most often act like the men they really are.

So I am aunt which means I ache because I miss little people and not so little people very much.

Sometimes I am so very glad to be sad, because it means God gave me so many people to love.

Its the good life...even when its sad.

Rest...What it is

Rest is not shutting your eyes in extended prayer during chapel, nor suspiciously wearing your sunglasses to class.

Rest is not not laying in your bed and having horrible thoughts about the people being very noisy and keeping you from sleep.

Rest is not stressing over the piles of homework to do.

Rest is not being frustrating over the silly things of life.

What it is.

Rest is doing your homework late into the night because you were talking with a friend earlier.

Rest is laughing until the tears come out.

Rest is pulling yourself out of bed at the unearthly hour of 5:55 am just to spend some time with God.

Rest is hearing your mom's voice over the phone.

Rest is knowing who you are in Christ because you are redeemed.

Rest is not just a thing of doing its a thing of knowing who is in control.

Because...

At night when I close my eyes I'm thankful for black trash bags because they are just perfect for keeping out the annoying yard light.



When I drink my coffee in the morning I am thankful the new ice machine because coffee is just always better iced.



When the tears are running out of my eyes because I am laughing so hard I'm thankful for the wonderful personalities of the "new" girls at school this year.



The alarm blares too early, but I am thankful I actually heard it. Even more thankful when I see a text from my wonderful mother.



When I miss my family I am thankful for all those wonderful times we did have together.



I am grateful for the United States Postal service because now I have something pretty for my bed.



I am thankful because God is good.